Woman’s Husband Refuses to Financialy Support Her and Her Children, Demands She Finds Work, Causing Tension and Conflict in Marriage

Author image for Sienna Varady
Sienna Varady
Aug 14, 2024 7:00 PM EDT

Your family should always come first in your life. It doesn't matter if you are related to them by birth or marriage; you must always act in alignment with their interests and intentions.

The story below tells the story of the frustrated husband. The original poster (OP) had been married to his wife for a long time. The wife has a daughter and son from a previous marriage and OP happily took on the role of stepfather. Things were going well at first—OP was supporting his new family, and the wife was making sure everything in the house was in order—but when the youngster reached sixteen, things quickly went south.

Nevertheless, make sure to read the story below if you're interested in learning the specifics of what happened and whether or not they were able to reunite as a single, happy family. Additionally, after you're done, don't forget to read the story of the woman who turns down the maid of honor position after learning she is her sister's backup!

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  • 01
    at dinner she asked him if there were any cars he'd like in particular. He jokingly asked for a BMW. She was like "Ok we'll see!" I tell her I'm serious, and we buy him the BMW and he's like shocked. He couldn't believe it. He knew I paid for it because my wife doesn't have an income producing job, but it was from both us. I told all the kids "Enjoy this one. You're all getting a really nice car
    via canva
  • 02
    AITAH for telling my wife she should get a job if she doesn't want her ex to contribute to child support anymore?
    via u/BurgerBoss45
  • 03
    Here's the deal. Both my wife and I are in our mid 30s. She has a 16 year old son and 2 daughters, all with the same guy. I can't have children of my own. They broke up about 10 years ago. We have known each other for about 8 years, basically right after her divorce. We always got along great. We started dating, and then she and her kids moved in with me. We got married. I've always treated them I would my own kids. We got married and she was able to stay
    via u/BurgerBoss45
  • 04
    home with the kids. When she was with him, they lived with his parents. They moved out and were living with her Aunt before she moved in with me while she worked a full time job. Her Aunt's house is a bit nicer than mine. Anyways, her ex is a world class low life. My wife hates him. The kids hate him. His own parents hate time. They come to our house from time to time to
    via u/BurgerBoss45
  • 05
    see their grandkids, usually take them out somewhere, and they've always looked so disappointed when they hear a story about him. He gives her child support of $1,200/month. We discussed all of this well before getting married. We were discussing how it would work. I would feel a little uncomfortable being financially responsible for 5 people financially on my own. I had only ever been
    via u/BurgerBoss45
  • 06
    responsible for me. She was delighted about staying at home as long as she took care of everything and I was happy with the arrangement as well. Well, we're married for a couple years and everything is going good, for the most part. Normal feuds. Then her son turns 16. My wife asked about possibly getting a car. I said we could get him whatever and she thought I was kind of exaggerating. So, one day
    via u/BurgerBoss45
  • 07
    at dinner she asked him if there were any cars he'd like in particular. He jokingly asked for a BMW. She was like "Ok we'll see!" I tell her I'm serious, and we buy him the BMW and he's like shocked. He couldn't believe it. He knew I paid for it because my wife doesn't have an income producing job, but it was from both us. I told all the kids "Enjoy this one. You're all getting a really nice car
    via u/BurgerBoss45
  • 08
    right when you turn 16. It'll be the one time we do this. You've gotta work hard because you're buying your second!" The girls were super excited too. Ex finds out about this and gets a MAJOR attitude about it. He throws a huge fit about his child support amount. I'm not really sure why he cared. I would think he would be happy he would get something
    via u/BurgerBoss45
  • 09
    nice. He sent her a message saying something like "If you can afford a BMW then I shouldn't be giving you anything!!!" I make good money, don't live in extreme luxury by any means. I'm not super wealthy. I paid $250K for this house, although it's worth a bit more now. I never really had help like this from my parents. I always thought that if I had kids of my own I would buy them a nice car when they turn 16 and give them
    via u/BurgerBoss45
  • 10
    money to buy a condo or a starter home. A nice little head-start so they don't have to work 2 jobs or struggle super hard. She told me about it and asked if we even need him to send the money anymore. I explained the situation in detail to her, informing her that the $1,200 covers some of the monthly expenses for the kids like healthcare, food and clothes and this was just a one time thing and that impacts thing like retirement.
    via u/BurgerBoss45
  • 11
    Then I informed her if I lose my job, we could start falling behind really quickly. (I don't anticipate getting fired now but 6 months things might be different.) Overall, at $400/month/kid until they turn 18 it would cost $64,800. She kind of agreed that the money does make a difference, but then asked why I agreed to buy him a BMW if that's the case. We went back and forth for a while. I don't make a ton of money. I bring home just
    via u/BurgerBoss45
  • 12
    under $100K. I own the house and both cars outright. I had money for the third. I saved up everything and worked multiple jobs before I met her, and still rarely spend. So I have some money in the bank, but it's not like I'm super wealthy. So, he starts sending her pictures of his disgusting apartment what he's living in to try to guilt trip her. He lives in a studio and just has a TV and a mattress
    via u/BurgerBoss45
  • 13
    on the floor, and refuses to clean it. She starts to sympathize with him after talking about how bad he was before. Paying $1,200/month has nothing to do with the Burger King wrappers all over the place. It went on for a few weeks with him bringing it up. After the second check he sent, she brings it up again and I snapped. I went off like "Hey, if you want to go get a job and contribute then by all means go ahead!"
    via u/BurgerBoss45
  • 14
    Then she looked so distraught. She was like "You don't think I contribute?" And started crying. I meant financially obviously. She does all the housework but she still took it to heart. Then one of the girls asked her for something that costs money and she says "I don't know. I don't have a job so you'd have to ask [op] for permission" right in front of me. They don't ask me for anything like that. Like it's her
    via u/BurgerBoss45
  • 15
    money too. That's how it was always understood. I don't think I would've agreed to the marriage where she stayed at home without the child support checks coming in. I probably would've agreed to it part time, but I'm wondering if I'm in the wrong here? I don't want to be mean because I do care about her a lot, I just think this is so ridiculous and am looking for other opinions. So, AITAH?
    via u/BurgerBoss45
  • 16
    EDIT: Ok, I want to thank almost everyone for saying I'm NTA. There are a few things here. We did not buy him a brand new BMW. It was used. It cost $21K. I'm glad that everyone has an opinion on this, but this isn't what I came here for. I did not buy him some new $80K car. It was a nice car, but not brand new. Regardless of whether or not it was a good idea, the deed has been done.
    via u/BurgerBoss45
  • 17
    "How do you support a family of 5 on on $100k." I really don't get this one. Where the trouble from finding this is. I said I bring home just under $100K. After taxes and health insurance. Before I met her, I lived and saved up everything. Sometimes working multiple jobs. The house only cost $250K. The mortgage is paid off. I worked hard for that. Our
    via u/BurgerBoss45
  • 18
    property taxes, home insurance, and household bills which include gas, water, trash, and electric were just over $8,500 last year, but they'll be a bit higher this year. Our new auto insurance policy is $407.54 monthly.
    via u/BurgerBoss45
  • 19
    The $1,200 in child support covers a decent amount of the kids' expenses. Obviously not everything, but it does help out. We really don't spend that much on other things. I'm not sure where the confusion comes from.
    via u/BurgerBoss45
  • 20
    Callie_jax 14 hr. ago • No matter how much money you make, he should be paying child support. They are his bio children that he helped create and has a responsibility to help provide for them.
    via u/Callie_jax
  • 21
    It's weird that she would even consider it and bring this up to you vs just telling him absolutely not. In what world should you pay 100% of all of the kids needs and wants while both parents get off Scott free? It's actually wild. (Coming from a SAHM with a son from a former marriage. My ex should pay child support but it's 22k behind)
    via u/Callie_jax
  • 22
    tm0587 12 hr. ago This is the comment that I agree with the most. How much OP makes is irrelevant to whether the ex should pay child support and how much.
    via u/tm0587
  • 23
    berberkey 14 hr. ago NTA. Why is he able to get into her head like that? My partner pays child support and I'm sure he's told me at some point how much it was (50/50 arrangement but Idk all of the
    via u/berberkey
  • 24
    details just when we get the kiddos) but also, it makes zero sense to care if he's throwing a fit. The ex is just jealous of his bio child and the life he (son) gets to live and wants to take it out on her. I'm so confused as to why she's even entertaining it. It'd be like me getting mad at the kids getting to go to on vacay with their mom this week while I was working.
    via u/berberkey
  • 25
    BurgerBoss45 OP. 14 hr. ago Thank you. I have no idea how he got into her head. Maybe the picture of living in filth got to her. I would gladly give him $1 back to go buy a trash bag if that's what it would take. He has no custody. HIS parents actually fought on the point that he should not get shared custody because of what a useless person he is. He does work at least.
    via u/BurgerBoss45
  • 26
    teresajs 14 hr. ago ΝΤΑ • The 3 kids are all over the age of 10. They don't need a SAHM. Your wife can work and earn her own money. But you also need to consider how much. your wife should be contributing toward expenses for her own kids. Cars, houses, and college get expensive.
    via u/teresajs
  • 27
    Your wife should be getting child support and working herself to provide for her kids.
    via u/teresajs
  • 28
    . Extra-Direction7227 14 hr. ago · edited 14 hr. ago Just because you're earning enough doesn't mean the father no longer has any responsibilities with his child. Why is your wife enabling him at all? Edit to add
    via u/Extra-Direction7227
  • 29
    NTA You're not an ATM while he can keep the status as the father. The child support is for the welfare of the kids not some game of who has more money.
    via u/Extra-Direction7227

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family drama marriage married with children askreddit family feud marriage-drama relationships parenting child support entitled family Reddit relationship drama parents Parenting FAILS
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